[16/02/2017] just random thoughts

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“You love me, I know that, but you can’t be with me, because you’re on fire and you know I am too and we’ll just create something too big for either of us to put out, and with the scars decorating my arm, there isn’t any room for burns.” 

 

“inspired by”

You called me at three in the morning and before I could say hello you went on.

“ Hey, it’s .. it’s me. Before you decided to hang up on me, I just.. wanna talk my heart out, and get all of it over with. [pause] I like you. My feelings haven’t changed. I tried to push it away and deny it and forget about it but none of them work.. I still feel butterflies in my stomach whenever I sense your perfume in the air, or hear anyone’s voive that is similar to yours. It’s just.. whenever you crossed my mind, it hurts. Because I know it myself I have no chance with you, I know damn well how cold your eyes are when they were put on me and not on her and I know.. I just know it. But I couldn’t stop myself from thinking of it differently, that there is still hope for me and if I was just brave enough to take a step towards you, you’re gonna turn your head and things will return to where they were 4 years ago. [laugh] I sound so delulu and paranoid, right? Sorry for causing you this much trouble.”

I told you to calm down, and that it was okay to be delulu sometimes. I told you that it doesn’t work like that, because I am the ocean and you were an anchor, you’ll drown in me and I think it would hurt as fuck to have you plunge through my skin and crash into my bones. When I find you in the bathroom dripping in blood, I’m going to hate myself for not being able to mend your broken pieces and then I’m going to hate you for making me feel like that.

And when I take too many pills because I couldn’t fall asleep due to my extreme coffee drinking habits, add into the chaos you throw me in, and everything hurts, you’re going to find yourself screaming and crying and shaking until I finally wake up and you’ll be mad at me for scaring you like that and mad at yourself for falling apart again.

You love me, I know that, but you can’t be with me, because you’re on fire and you know I am too and we’ll just create something too big for either of us to put out, and with the scars decorating my arm, there isn’t any room for burns.

“Coz I’m sick of losing soulmates
So where do I begin
I could finally see, you’re as fucked up as me
So how do we win…?”

-MiE
(16/07/2017)

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